Akatsuki Baby Pictures
by AkiraDawn
Summary: The Leader' has delivrered a box of pictures to the Akatsuki apartment. What happens when all the fun filled childhood memories come out of the box? Rated for language. R&R Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Zetsu and Kisame

Akatsuki Baby Pictures

Thanx to all my readers and reviewers! I hope you like this one; I know Akatsuki has some issues with their infant years!

I don't own Naruto or any of its characters

Some Background…

Well, there's really no background for this….

"T-A-N-G-O. T-A-N…Itachi, you're doing it wrong, yeah. You have to put your hips against mine, yeah." Diedara whined.

"Are you crazy? I'm not putting my hips against yours….there will be…you know….touching of things." Itachi said.

"Itachi, if you want to learn to dance the tango then you have to put your hips on mine, besides Dana's hips are going to be all over yours….and….hips don't lie. Oh! Like Shakira, yeah!" Deidara gleamed all over.

"That's totally different. Dana is my girlfriend, she can put whatever she wants wherever she wants." Itachi said.

"Come on, Itachi! Do this right, yeah! Now thrust your hips into me like an untamed beast, yeah!" Deidara begged. Sasori walked into the living room at just the wrong time.

"Oh god….that's it. First the chocobo egg, now Deidara wants Itachi to get rough with him? I'm turning in my resignation tomorrow…"

"No, its okay Sasori, Deidara is trying to teach Itachi to tango, seriously." Hidan said.

"Okay, here it is! Everyone stop what you're doing because I have it!" Kisame was holding a huge ass box up over his head.

"What's that?" Zetsu asked.

"The Leader gave me this box last week. It's a box of pictures of us when we were babies and little kids. Well, we don't have any of Tobi, Hidan or Kakuzu….they're too new. Sorry guys, but come on we need to go through these….whoa! Are Itachi and Deidara swinging both ways now?" Kisame said.

"It appears that way doesn't it." Sasori said dryly. And so everyone piled around the living room table. Kisame sat the box labeled 'Akatsuki baby crap' on the table.

"Aaaaaawwwwwww! Looooooooook! It's Zetsu's baby picture, yeah!" Deidara said pulling a picture of little baby Zetsu out of the box.

"Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww!" Everyone said in near unison.

"Look! He's just an itty bitty baby plant! Look at him in his little terrarium!" Tobi said.

"Yeah, yeah, that's me…I'm probably 2 weeks old there. I was learning to photosynthesize in that picture." Zetsu said dryly wishing so much they would just sit that picture aside. Deidara came across a few more pictures of Zetsu.

"Hey, check it out! It says 'Zetsu's fourth birthday' on the back." Kakuzu said. It was a picture of precious little Zetsu on a tricycle.

"And look at this one, seriously, 'Zetsu's basketball tryouts'." Hidan said.

"God! I hated that day! The other kids made fun of me because I was green and I didn't even make the team! Eleven is a tough age." Zetsu said. He hated all his pictures that they had found so far. There was also a picture of Zetsu in a kiddie pool, Zetsu eating cotton candy, Zetsu at the petting zoo and Zetsu's first day of school. However, Sasori found the next picture.

"Oh look at this one! Its little Kisame! Aawww, look at his little water wings!" Sasori said. It was a picture of Kisame in the ocean learning to swim. Kisame snatched te picture away from him.

"I was a natural born swimmer. Geez, makes me think of my dad, he was the best swimmer ever…mainly because he was a shark." Kisame reminisced a moment, but the thought of this disturbed everyone else.

"Right…anyway check this out!" Sasori had found another picture of Kisame baking cookies with his mom. It was simply precious. Kisame laughed.

"Oh! Oh geez, mom and I used to make cookies all the time when I was little! I always liked to lick the spoon." Kisame said.

"Kisame your skin has gotten bluer over the years you know that?" Itachi said.

"Yeah, it's strange, that started when I was about 14. I'm thinking my dad is a blue-ish shark." Once again the thought of Kisame having shark DNA was a little weird. There were some more pictures, Kisame at the state fair, Kisame in the yard with a slip-n-slide, and Kisame losing his first tooth.

It was going to be a fun afternoon humiliating each other with pictures from infancy. What was in store for Sasori, Itachi, and Deidara?


	2. Chapter 2 Itachi and Deidara

Well, much to Itachi's disappointment Sasori had just found an incriminating photograph…

"Aaaaaaawwwww, Itachi! Look how cute you are helping your mom with the laundry. And look what it says on the back 'Itachi helping mommy, age 5'. Itachi gritted his teeth.

"Shut up!" he said.

"And if you notice, she's pregnant with your little brother, yeah." Deidara said.

"Shut up!" Itachi was getting a little pissed. The next photo nearly made Kisame squeal with delight.

"Oooooooooh look at this one! It's Itachi and Sasuke together! They're so precious!" Kisame said. It was Itachi at age 10 and Sasuke when he was 5. Sasuke was in a ball on Itachi's lap and Itachi was holding on to him….it was just too cute.

"Aaaaaaaawwwwww!" Everyone else chimed.

"SHUT UP!" Itachi snatched it away from them.

"Seriously, you two were cute kids." Hidan said.

"Hello? Nothing has changed any…have you looked at me lately? I'm not cute…I'm gorgeous oh and you want to know something else? I so couldn't get it up in that picture….but now that is so different." Itachi said.

"Okay then, moving on…" Sasori said. He found another picture in the box.

"Hey check this one out; it's Itachi at the Konoha Ninja Academy with all his little friends." Sasori said. It was indeed cute. Itachi with his little pony tail and all his little 7-year-old friends.

"Itachi, you can tell by looking at you as a child that you were destined to be pretty, yeah." Deidara said.

"Deidara, most Uchiha's are destined to be pretty." Itachi said.

"Wait, what's with this picture of you and the brunette girl?" Sasori asked. Itachi smiled.

"Man, I had completely forgotten that picture….she was my first. I was 15." Itachi reminisced for a moment. "God, I so didn't know what I was doing."

"That was something worth photographing?" Zetsu asked.

"Oh my god, Itachi! I was 15 too…that's like we were friends and we didn't even know it yet, yeah." Deidara said. However everyone else just stared at him strangely. No one was sure how that made any sense; which also distracted from Zetsu's previous comment.

"Uh, yeah." Itachi said. Now, we could go on all day about how many precious pictures there were of Itachi and Sasuke and that they were just the most adorable things since puppies, however, we'll just hit the highlights: Itachi and Sasuke at the park with their dad, Itachi jumping on the bed, Itachi hugging his mother's leg in the kitchen, Itachi and Sasuke watching TV, Itachi with a bowl of popcorn, and Itachi with a little plush turtle. Such a sweet child….

Digging further into the box, Zetsu pulled out the next picture. It was none other than Deidara.

"Aaaawww, look at that little 4 month old blonde Deidara, he's so small and...wearing a dress…Deidara why are you in a dress?" Zetsu asked.

"Well, see my mom and dad _really_ thought I was going to be a girl and when I was born the doctor was like 'I made a mistake it's not a girl it's a boy' and see Dana's a girl and mom was all excited about giving her a little sister and thought it was going to be so cute to enter us in one of those little miss lovely beauty pageants and…"

"Deidara, Deidara…the dress…get to the point…"" Zetsu said,

"Oh, yeah, well, mom and dad didn't buy any clothes for little boys so I wore Dana's baby clothes for the first 6 months of my life, yeah."

"That is so fucked up….but okay." Kisame said.

"Wait! Who is the beautiful woman holding you?" Zetsu asked. Deidara squealed.

"That's my mom, yeah!" There was a long silence.

"And beautiful women are still holding him." Sasori mumbled. Sasori found another picture.

"Now that's just priceless, you and Dana in the bath tub together." Sasori said. And it was cute because there were suds everywhere.

"Yeah, mom bathed us together until we started asking too many questions, yeah."

"Aaaaawwwww, loooooooook! It's Deidara age 4. Look at his little soccer uniform!" Tobi said. It was a very short lived soccer career. "Oooooooh that one is too sweet!" Tobi continued. The picture read 'Deidara, 6 and Dana, 8' they were eating watermelon. Sasori found a picture that nearly brought tears to his eyes. It was him and Deidara when they first met.

"God Deidara! You were just a stupid kid then…now you're just a stupid young adult." Sasori said choking up a little. There was also a picture of Deidara wrapped up in a phone cord, Deidara in first grade, and quite possibly the cutest of all, Deidara with his first baby bird. The only pictures that hadn't surfaced yet were those of Sasori's…


	3. Chapter 3 Sasori and the Unexpected

"Seriously, I really wish I could show you guys all my pictures from church camp." Hidan said. "Those were crazy, wild times." There was a long pause.

"Church camp? Crazy? Wild?" Kisame questioned.

"Oh, yeah, really. One time me and another guy…we played a prank on our cabin dad…we rearranged the Bible verses for the week. Oh, good times, good times." Once again there was a long silence.

"I'm guessing no one gets laid at church camp, yeah? " Deidara asked. However. Hidan didn't have a chance to answer because Kakuzu had found a picture of baby Sasori.

"Aaawww, Sasori! Look what a sweet little baby you were, all human and stuff. No wood anywhere." It was a picture of Sasori 1 year old.

"Wow, your hair is a lot more manageable now, isn't it?" But the phone rang and Itachi ran off to answer it before Sasori could answer. He was expecting a call from his beloved Dana.

"Danna! You look like a happy child in this picture." Deidara showed him a picture of a 10-year-old Sasori holding up a frog. He was covered in mud so it was obvious that Sasori had been frog hunting.

"Sasori, was that your pet?" Kisame asked.

"No, I just caught him and showed him to mom. You know sometimes I miss mom…I kind of wish I hadn't turned her into a puppet…she always made bitchin' strawberry pancakes." Sasori pulled another picture out of the box…well what he thought was a picture…it was actually a small card. It read: 'Sasori, thanks for everything. You've always been the best and I wish you luck in your pursuits with Akatsuki. I'm sorry you got stuck with that blonde, I wish he hadn't walked in on us. Anyway, I'll miss you Sasori. Love, Eva'. Sasori started getting sentimental.

"Who's Eva?" Zetsu asked. Sasori sighed.

"Eva…was….well, she and I had a relationship for about 5 years, but she had to go back to Russia…I will always miss Eva." Someone needed to find a happier picture and quick. Zetsu did just that, it was a picture of a seven year old Sasori holding his first puppet. He was so proud of it.

"Aaaaaaaw! Check this one out! It was a three year old red head sitting on Santa's lap. Everyone else thought this picture was too cute. Sasori did look a little terrified of Santa though. There were also a few more pictures, one of Sasori with his very attractive red head mother at the beach, one of him building a castle out of blocks, and another of him playing in the snow.

It was assumed that those were all the pictures in the box…however Deidara found another one.

"Oh my god, look at this, yeah! You know….he's kind of a cute kid, yeah." Deidara said. It was a picture of Orochimaru, there wasn't anything written on the picture but he looked to be about 6 or 7.

"Whoa….he still has that freaky pale skin thing going on." Kisame said.

"This will be the ultimate blackmail. We should save this for the next time he pisses us off." Zetsu said. Zetsu was right, the picture of kindergarten age Orochimaru would make the perfect weapon. Itachi hung up the phone.

"Okay, we're done looking at pictures for now. Deidara, come on…we need to Tango again, Dana's going to be ready in an hour and I still suck. Deidara pouted for a moment.

"Are you going to do it right, yeah?" Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes I'll do it right, just come teach me so I don't make an ass of myself."

"Okay!" Deidara jumped up and started his T-A-N-G-O procedure again.

"Itachi, why the hell do you have to learn to Tango anyway?" Kisame asked.

"Because, Dana needed a ballroom dance partner for her beginner class tonight.

"What the hell? I have three ballroom dance championship awards!" Sasori exclaimed.

"I know you do Danna, but see you're just too good. She needed someone hot and not good, yeah. So, Itachi fit the description, yeah." Deidara.

"Well, that and I mean come on Deidara, you know I'm going to bang the…" Deidara cut Itachi off.

"No, no no! Even if you two are the hot item now, and even though you make her want to do things she's never done before, you do not bang my sister…you make sweet love to her, yeah." Deidara said emphatically.

"Wait, wait…how do you know I make her want to do that?" Itachi asked suspiciously.

"Itachi, I'm her brother…what do you think we talk about on the phone, yeah?" And with that Itachi learned that his love life was anything but a secret.

Okay, everybody, this one was purposely pretty short. I'm proud to announce the next fic: Akatsuki Camp Counselors an idea inspired by Ninjax5000. I hope you'll look forward to it!


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